Change We CAN Control – It’s YOUR Attitude

Life always boils down to choices, and when it comes to dealing with difficulty, we really have two. As the famous poet Maya Angelou put it, “We can change our circumstances or we can change our attitude.” I am a proponent of changing circumstances, no matter how difficult they may seem. But even the most aggressive overcomer can’t change everything. So, what do we do if a situation is beyond our control and we can’t change it no matter how hard we try? That’s when we focus on changing our attitude. These three strategies will help if you need to change your attitude:

 

  1.  Choose to remain positive. John C. Maxwell said, “Remaining positive in a negative situation is not naïve, it’s leadership.” As leaders, whether we are leading ourselves personally, leading a team, or leading an entire organization, we owe it to ourselves and those around us to remain positive. A positive attitude is infectious, and that is what you want to infect the people around you with. It’s not a matter of smiling or faking through difficulty, but choosing to not grumble and complain can make a huge impact on how you endure the situation. I can’t remember the last time a bad attitude changed the outcome of a dilemma anyway.
  2. Look at the trial as a lesson. Everything that we go through has a purpose in our lives; whether it is difficulty at work, a project that failed, a relationship that failed, or even the loss of a job. Those hit us very hard and can be deeply wounding. But what they all do is that they help us grow by giving us lessons. And every time that we’re in a situation, especially things that are beyond our control, we have to ask ourselves, what is it that I can learn from this situation? Why is this happening? Why was I given the opportunity to learn in the situation? When we encounter our obstacles that way it helps us maintain a productive outlook. The most beautiful flowers are those that have had the most fertilizer!
  3. Prepare to share the lesson. Finally, and in my opinion, most importantly, you want to look beyond you. It’s one thing for you to learn a lesson. I always say, “I don’t lose, I learn.” But every time we learn we have an opportunity … There’s something else that we’re able to impart to someone else. When we share our lessons learned we grow personally, but we grow our community immensely. So, when we take those opportunities to look beyond ourselves, to find the purpose in that situation, the purpose behind that pain. Whatever trial that you’re dealing with, find a reason for that too, not just be about you because it never is just about us anyway.

 

So, remember, if you can’t change your circumstances, you can change your attitude…it’s yours. Keep this in mind as you prepare your goals for next year. Some things you can (and should) change, while some things you need a change of heart toward.

Delegation Done Right

Fountain Pen, Text, Leave, White, SpringAs a project manager, I have found delegation to be one of the most valuable tools in my toolbox, but it is one that I have seen often misused.

Why is it misused? Well, quite simply because often times people don’t understand the difference between true delegation and just telling someone to do something. Anyone can tell someone to do something, especially the “bossy” people, but can you properly delegate a task to someone? We’ll take a pen for instance, if I pass a pen to someone and say, “Here, you take this pen.”, that’s me telling them to take the pen, but I’ve not told them what to do with the pen and when I would like to see the results of what they’ve done with the pen. If I throw them the pen and say, “Here’s a pen and I would like you to write a one page letter on your life and I need that by Friday at noon.”, then that is clearly delegating.

The difference is in the detail. The amount of detail that I gave to help the person understand what it is that I’m asking them to do, but then also for myself to understand and to clarify what I need them to do so that I can remember what I’m holding them accountable to. Because the key in delegation as well, is that I’m delegating  not just the task, but the authority along with the task. Who’s going to write that letter? The person I delegated it to. Who’s going to return the letter? The person I delegated it to. So, the key is that all authority had been granted to the person who is now responsible for the task. If I come following up on a Wednesday for something I’ve asked to be done on Friday, I’m then questioning the authority that I’ve given them.

The beauty of delegation in a team environment is that it is empowering. It empowers the team around you to contribute to the greater good, to contribute to the project as a whole, but the only way that that can  effectively take place is if you have properly delegated the task with the necessary details and that those necessary details are understood by both myself, (the sender) and by the person doing the task (the receiver) because we all know what happens in communication. We’ll follow up with that later, but for right now, the whole point is how do we make sure that what we have delegated has been clearly outlined so that everyone understands not just what needs to be done, how it needs to be done and when it needs to be done by. That deadline is very important and helps people remain on track and hold themselves accountable to what they’ve been asked to do.

If you’re a leading a team, I encourage you to think about how you delegate. To think about the level of detail that you’re providing and a level of detail that you’re getting back. Remember, you’re delegation should be a two-way conversation, so as you’re communicating with people on your team and delegating to them, ensure that they have responded in the affirmative to understanding what task has been delegated to them. By doing so, you will improve the performance on your team and you’ll see a return in your time investment in the people around you.

Leading the Rainbow

Can you imagine life without the rainbow? Can you imagine how sad the days would be without the flooding and be able to look forward to the beauty of the rainbow?

We look forward to that beauty not only because it is beautiful, but because God sent that as a promise to Noah. To let us know that he will never again destroy the Earth from floods. At that moment, the rainbow took a very special place in our hearts and in our lives and we saw the beauty in it. God saw all the beauty and all of the colors in the rainbow. He saw the colors in the rainbow and it’s beautiful we know to look throughout all of his creations and see the colors and the rainbow and see its Beauty. So much so, that Reverend Jesse Jackson continued the work of the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior with the founding of the rainbow push coalition. Now, this coalition was formed to give awareness and help understand the gap between the people that don’t understand the beauty of the rainbow help them to see the beauty of the rainbow.

The beauty of diversity in our great United States of America!

To see the beauty of diversity in our workplaces, in our schools, and in our communities.

To see and understand that beauty and know its benefits, because it’s not enough just to be beautiful but you know that they there is a business impact for our organizations to understand the beauty of the rainbow as well.

There are three key benefits to having the beautiful rainbow in your organization:

1- Innovation

People with different ideas and backgrounds can come to the table of creativity and bring forth different ideas. There they can innovate, collaborate, and bring forth new ideas not that just benefit the organization but that benefit the world as a whole. Everything that we do works into this tight-knit community that we have called our global economy.

2- Recruiting and retention

Maslow showed us in the hierarchy of needs that people not only have physical needs but also a need for belonging. When people can walk into an organization and see people that look like them, think like them, talk like them, and have some affinity for them then they will also have a better sense of belonging. It improves recruiting and retention to be able to keep top talents into your organization.

3- Change

Be the change that you want to see in the world.

This is far more compelling than the other two. This is beyond your reach and scope of our own daily lives. We can set an amazing example by setting policies and plans within our organization to promote Diversity and Inclusion. By setting that example, it shows the employees on our team, our customers, our community, and for our Global Partners that we value everyone.

We all work together to grow a better place and that’s what we’re all here for. To leave the world better than we found it one team at a time.

Don’t ASK. Just TELL. How to Help Houston Post-Harvey

Please don’t ask what you can do to help the Houston area.  Just tell us what you are going to do to help.

Texans are proud and this devastating flood has jolted us out of our comfortable lives and placed us in a very vulnerable position.  If you ask what you can do for us, most Texans will point to those less fortunate than themselves.  They may suggest you donate to one of the national organizations to show your support.

You Can Do More

More than ten million people in the Houston region of Texas are in shock right now.  They don’t know what to do next to recover their lives.  You see, it doesn’t take water intrusion into your home to be affected.  The catastrophic flooding affects a much larger community where we don’t know what to do for ourselves, our neighbors or our community at large.

At times like this, we need a “checklist” for taking action.  This checklist is organized for two groups.  Pick a checklist and tell us what you will do to help.

 

Local to the Houston Region Checklist

Your neighbors need your help, but they are uncomfortable in every way you can imagine.  The self-sufficiency enjoyed last week has tumbled into a pool of helplessness.  They are exhausted and don’t even know what needs to be done about getting back on their feet.

Just Tell Them:

I am here to help you:

  • Take pictures before anything is moved and again when things are bagged up or taken to the curb
  • Make the call to the insurance company (with the owner present)
  • Take food and beverages to first responders
  • Make meals for other families so they don’t have to worry about cooking
  • Give them a place to escape at your place to eat or just take a welcome break
  • Move damaged belongings to the street for pick up
  • Cut out the saturated sheetrock and drag to the curb or bag it up for the insurance company
  • Retrieve important documents and take them to a place where they can be dried as individual sheets of paper
  • Box up salvageable (dry) belongings
  • Take clothes and bedding to be washed and return them clean/folded
  • Take durable goods like dishes, pots and pans to my house to be washed and returned when you are ready for them
  • Transport you to where you need to go (millions of cars have been totaled)
  • Get quotes from water mitigation companies
  • Bring your kids to my house for a play date
  • Pick up groceries or other supplies
  • Pack school lunches for the kids
  • Drive them out to find a rental car (all local rental cars are gone)
  • Drive them to look at replacement vehicles or call dealers who are willing to bring the prospective cars to them for consideration

I am here with supplies:

  • Masks and ventilators
  • Paper towels
  • Disposable gloves
  • Trash bags
  • Bleach
  • Disinfecting wipes and hand sanitizer
  • Boxes and packing tape
  • Sharpie for marking boxes
  • Hand soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste
  • Feminine hygiene products and diapers
  • Mosquito repellent
  • Pet food and pet kennels
  • Cash and Prayers – the ultimate supplies

Outside the Houston Region Checklist

Just Tell Us:

We are strong and far from helpless victims in this part of the country.  We are courageous and confident.  We love our community and want to be independent.  But still…we need your help.

Spiritual and Emotional Help

  • Pray, meditate, visualize – or use whatever spiritual resource you acknowledge in your life to lift us up in your daily practice.
  • Remember us in your spiritual communities for months to come. Right now, many people are praying for the Houston region.  But things will get tougher before they get better.  Please still be remembering us in a couple of months when our world is continuing to spin in disbelief and recovery.
  • Call anyone you may know to show your love and support. Call them this week and call them again next week and the next.  Call them every week until you can tell they are feeling close to normal.  Let them vent, cry, rant and crumble emotionally.  Listening is a powerful force for recovery.

Financial and Organization Support

  • Every single disaster recovery organization is involved in this clean up and recovery. Donate to your favorite – whether it is the Red Cross or a local group like the Cajun Navy.  Show the people who are your surrogates in the field you care too.  Money keeps these organizations viable.
  • Volunteer in your area. Because so many volunteers have flocked to the Houston region, your local organizations may be short of man power.  Research a group who is helping here and offer your time to help there.  Keep these generous groups going for the good of your own community and ours.
  • Find a local organization – or be the organizer – who is gathering supplies, services and cash to be sent to our area.
  • Send gift cards to restaurants and stores like Home Depot or Lowe’s

Supplies – on an Ongoing Basis

  • Every time a disaster like this happens, supplies come by the truck load into the community. We are grateful.  Two months from now, the supplies may no longer be coming.  Find a family or an organization and pledge to give for the next six months to one year.  The truth is, it will be many years before we are back to something resembling “normal.”  Don’t abandon us when the news is no longer covering the catastrophe.
  • If you know of someone in the local area, you can “adopt a family” to help for several months. Maybe your local organizations can compile a list of family contacts.  You can use services like Amazon to send them basic supplies directly to their home.  Occasionally you can use something like Uber Eats to send the family a complete meal.
  • Another way to “adopt a family” would be to offer to pay for daycare for a period of time. This kind of thing is perfect for those of you who don’t trust the large national organizations.  You can make a huge impact on one family – without the organization’s administration costs diminishing the affect of your generosity.

These checklists are just a “drop in the bucket” – pun intended – and should be used as an idea starter rather than being considered a comprehensive list of what can be done.  Use social media to communicate your desire to help and organize others who feel the same way.

It’s going to be a long recovery.  Anything we can do to help those with huge disaster impacting their lives will help shift the energy from fear into comfort.  Hold us in your highest energy and tell us what you are going to do about it.

Tell Us You Care

Please stop what you are doing right now and go to one of these websites to make a donation.  Every dollar counts.  The people of Houston thank you for your support.

 

This article is contributed by professional business book ghostwriter, Kate Frank: www.AuthorLegacyResource.com/.  Kate was inspired to share this information by evacuee,  speaker and coach Elizabeth Barbour: www.ElizabethBarbour.com/.

The Change Whisperer

The first project I was assigned as a young engineer was intended to bring about a massive amount of change to an industry that didn’t particularly like change. I recall being mentored by engineers who kept their best information in a “tally book” in their back pocket. That would be the equivalent of Google docs today! The undertaking I was embarking on was going to digitize and standardize invoicing for the entire company…but first, people had to be taught how to do things the “new way”. Armed with the authority of upper management, I was prepared to bullishly get people to put away their notepads and old way of doing things, and quickly adopt this new way. Boy, was I in for a lesson (or two). I’d like to share my favorites with you here:

  1. For many, change feels like a loss – When you ask people to make large scale change like I was, you have to be prepared for them to grieve the loss of their current situation. While writing things down in a book seemed trivial to me, the comfort and control that people had grown accustomed to were in jeopardy, and just like any emotional loss, I didn’t have to fully understand it to help them through it. I need only acknowledge the depth of their feelings and go from there.
  2. You get more bees with honey… – This old adage (which goes on to compare honey to vinegar of all things) holds especially true when trying to bring about change. Finding ways to kindly get people to adapt to change is just as essential as politely asking the toddler to put their toys away. Pounding your fist on a desk may get someone to appear to agree with you, but you won’t see the results in the long run. And when adopting change, it’s not the short-term appearance that matters, it’s the sustaining of the new state that will allow you to declare victory.

I’m a quick study, so before I realized it, I found myself telling people that “it would all be OK” right in the middle of the training. Setting their minds at ease, and even just listening to their concerns, went a long way in watching them take the new steps and replace the tally books with laptops.

Are You “Booked” This Summer?

 A couple of months ago, I attended a book launch and I won the door prize which included a T-shirt that said: “I’m booked”. That clever play on words has stuck with me, and with summer upon us, has given me something to ponder. If you have children, chances are you signed them up for a summer reading program to keep their minds engaged. I have done this for years with my kids and enjoyed watching them dive into
A couple of months ago, I attended a book launch and I won the door prize which included a T-shirt that said: “I’m booked”. That clever play on words has stuck with me, and with summer upon us, has given me something to ponder. If you have children, chances are you signed them up for a summer reading program to keep their minds engaged. I have done this for years with my kids and enjoyed watching them dive into book after book. But while your kiddos are reading, have you also gotten into any good books? Well, I thought I would help by sharing a few of my favorites that you might want to curl up and read:
  1. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People –  This isn’t light reading, but it is life-changing. Stephen R. Covey breaks down the ways in which we can engage and communicate with others to bring out the best in every relationship. I’m personally excited about this because I’ll begin teaching it this year. And you can read along with your kids by getting them the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens (written by his son, Sean Covey)
  2. The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork – This is one of John C. Maxwell’s most influential works. He shares principles of team building that I’ve used in leadership.
  3. Taking Flight! – This book will help you master the DISC styles using the technique of storytelling, followed by a breakdown of each style. It is a great way to understand yourself, and those around you.
  4. Love is a Catalyst: The Pain Behind the Purpose – You didn’t think I’d leave my own book off the list, did you? In this inspiring memoir, the author shares her trials and triumphs in life and the growing of her faith. In it, she encourages readers to see their own lives through balanced lenses.

 

Reading has long-since been considered the best way to develop new skills and to open your mind to various ways of thinking. Being a bookworm has served me well, and I hope you find encouragement and equipping in the titles above.

The Imperfect Perfectionist

If you’re anything like me, you like things done right, on time and under budget. I can still hear my dearly departed father-in-law saying “well, ok, Ms. Engineer” as I attempted to get Thanksgiving dinner in perfect order. Operating in excellence is something to be proud of and something that’s needed in our workplaces, families, and communities. But as I grew as a servant leader and as a mom, I came to appreciate the oxymoron of being an imperfect perfectionist. I came to evangelize the notion of wanting it done right, while realizing that it won’t always happen.

To help myself and those I’ve encouraged deal with this dichotomy, I use 3 simple life principles:

  1. Give yourself some grace – whether you are a petrophysicist or a rocket scientist (I know both), chances are you’re going to make a mistake, and when you do, be prepared to cut yourself some slack. It’s great to be a driven, high-achiever, that’s how we put a man on the moon! But don’t forget that you are still a fallible human…just say “my bad”! Take a note of what you did wrong and turn it into a teachable moment for yourself. You’ll be less disappointed in yourself if you capture the lesson that came out of it.
  2. Give others grace  – chances are if you struggle with #1, you blow it at this one. People who don’t give themselves grace find it really hard to extend it to others. The next time you’re about to blow a gasket with your son or your team member, remember the last mistake you made. Handle them the way you SHOULD have handled yourself. Grow in humility, grow in grace.
  3. Praise progress – In your pursuit of perfection, pause periodically to praise progress (now say that again!). When you recognize how much you (or someone in your charge) has grown, you’ll be able to focus on the flowers, and not the weeds! Oh, how sweet it is!

So if you’re a recovering perfectionist like me, celebrate how far you’ve come. Revel in the reality of having a critical eye, but a compassionate spirit. But, if you’re just admitting you have a problem, give the pointers above a try and see if the next misstep you encounter takes you out of orbit or just gets you off the ground. Measure and reward!

Which Part Are You? DISC Styles Simplified

We know that we are all members of the same body, and each part has a role to play. But do you know your role? And do you truly value it? Do those around you know it and value it? There are lots of different ways we can categorize ourselves (ethnicity, gender, personality, gifts, talents), but one of the most useful is our behavior style.
Our behavior style is relevant in any situation: family, work, and volunteer/servant leadership. So let’s take a quick look at the four DISC behavior styles and see if you recognize your own.

Do you stick with decisions? Are you decisive and move a room to an action? Chances are you are a D-style and while some won’t appreciate your decisiveness, your ability to review information and make an actionable decision is a benefit to your team.

Do you motivate those around you? – If you have ever been “accused” of being a cheerleader, chances are you an I-style. Your outgoing, talkative nature can inspire some but annoy others. How can the team keep playing without encouragers?

Do you remain steady, even in crisis? – Have you been known to wait patiently while people around you are in a tiff about waiting (huffing and puffing and making faces?). You could be an S-style. Your laid-back nature provides a calming force to those around you, and that’s not just needed when something is on fire, but even before the logs are stacked!

Do you think critically and enjoy facts? – Maybe you prefer to know all the significant digits in pi while others are fine to round it. You likely fall into the C-style category. Your attention to detail can be an asset to your team, but your tendency to over-think things can slow you and the team down.

This isn’t a competition and understanding how these roles work together is the key. The eye can’t say to the hand “I don’t need you”. So how do you learn your style to know which part you are? Read this article from Extended DISC for more information.

Are You Part of the Solution?

Growing up, my aunt would ask my cousins and me “Are you part of the problem, or are you part of the solution?” Have you ever been asked this question? Even as a child, I knew that if the answer to this wasn’t “SOLUTION”, then I was in trouble. We all knew what was next: the statement of the problem and how WE could solve it. This method of questioning was a long-standing family secret (and my aunt will tell you that she got it from my mother). And if I needed help with the solution, that was often followed with “Look it up”.

I didn’t realize it then, but this self-leadership tactic became a model for how I would lead and develop my own children and those on my team. While this is a parenting tip, it applies to people form 6 to 66. As leaders, we reap 3 key benefits from utilizing this strategy:

  1. It creates independent thinkers – Ask yourself, “Do I want a team of people who do what I tell them to, or a team that knows what to do?” Of course the answer is the latter, but that only comes when people are allowed the room to think independently. When you’re a leader, it’s not beneficial that you point out the problem, but that you encourage your team to frame the problem, and thereby develop a solution. That is, unless you enjoy being the smartest one in the room, encourage critical thinking.
  2. They will have much more buy-in – You don’t have to sell someone on an idea they came up with. Your team will have more buy-in to a solution they created, so they’ll put it into practice without “force”. Don’t make the mistake of thinking rebellion ends with the “terrible two’s” or teens; adults on your team want to create their own plan…and you can just make sure they don’t set anything on fire.
  3. They will feel empowered – Empowerment is the antidote to defiance.And empowered team (and family) members contribute more and with a positive attitude. Try going through massive change with unempowered people…it’s no fun!
I love having people on my team who are independent, buy into solutions THEY create, and feel empowered. Now I feel like there are more benefits, though, so why don’t you ask yourself “the question”, and see if you come up with some added benefits. If you do, post them here.

Spring has sprung – let’s all wear yellow

 

I don’t know about you, but I’m so glad Spring is here. And while I look forward to the warmer weather and the sunshine that it brings, that’s not why I’m so happy about it. Three years ago, my husband and I suffered a tragic loss: our oldest son died from a rare form of bone cancer called Osteosarcoma (yellow is the ribbon color for Sarcomas). And because his passing was in January, these past few years have started off dark and heavy. But thank God for sunshine!! The sun doesn’t make the hurt go away, but it does make it bearable. I still don’t know why he had to leave us, but I trust God through it all.

It is that trust that is the focus of my heart these days. It’s easy to trust God in good times, but how do we trust him with our grief and loss? I’d like to share some lessons that helped me, and should you ever need it, I pray that they will help you as well:

1. Grow in the dark until the light comes back on The Sunday after my son’s passing, our pastor’s sermon was titled “Where is God in My Pain?”. This is a common question, as grief feels like being in the dark all alone. But the good news is 1) we’re not alone AND 2) mold is not the only thing that grows in the darkness. Our strength, character and compassion get developed during those dark times. Trust in the process, and be patient with yourself as you sprout new buds. When the light does come back on, you will be amazed at the blossom. Your family, colleagues, and friends may not notice immediately, but in time they will, and you will, too!

2. Decide not to sink One of my favorite passages in the bible talks about Peter walking on water. The description of doing the impossible fills me with hope and reminds me of what’s possible. But this story is intended to remind us that we can only do the impossible (and difficult) when we keep our focus on our faith. When Peter took his eyes off Jesus while he was walking on the water, he began to sink. He turned his focus to the storm, and not his help. The next time you hear the expression “trying to keep my head above water”, think of Peter, and do what he did, and decide not to sink. Help is available, choose to take it.

3. Nothing happens to you just for YOU On Jan. 11, 2014, I became a member of a club I never wanted to be in. A club of parents grieving the loss of a child, and more broadly of a person having to live without someone they love. If I had thought for one minute that the pain I was feeling (and the healing I receive daily) was just for me, I would have missed the point. The world is full of hurting people, we see them in the break-room at work, in the mall when we shop, and in the pews next to us on Sunday. They are our neighbors out for a walk, or the teachers in school with our children. And as a result of my own experience, I can empathize with them. And it’s why I’m so passionate about giving back and helping others…I’ve been there. I needed support, and people gave it. When we find the purpose in our pain, we are able to bless others and be part of the cycle of giving.

To continue the cycle of giving by learning more about Team Malcolm and how you can help children battling cancer find comfort in the Arts in Medicine Program. We are raising funds through the month of March.