I don’t know about you, but I’m so glad Spring is here. And while I look forward to the warmer weather and the sunshine that it brings, that’s not why I’m so happy about it. Three years ago, my husband and I suffered a tragic loss: our oldest son died from a rare form of bone cancer called Osteosarcoma (yellow is the ribbon color for Sarcomas). And because his passing was in January, these past few years have started off dark and heavy. But thank God for sunshine!! The sun doesn’t make the hurt go away, but it does make it bearable. I still don’t know why he had to leave us, but I trust God through it all.

It is that trust that is the focus of my heart these days. It’s easy to trust God in good times, but how do we trust him with our grief and loss? I’d like to share some lessons that helped me, and should you ever need it, I pray that they will help you as well:

1. Grow in the dark until the light comes back on The Sunday after my son’s passing, our pastor’s sermon was titled “Where is God in My Pain?”. This is a common question, as grief feels like being in the dark all alone. But the good news is 1) we’re not alone AND 2) mold is not the only thing that grows in the darkness. Our strength, character and compassion get developed during those dark times. Trust in the process, and be patient with yourself as you sprout new buds. When the light does come back on, you will be amazed at the blossom. Your family, colleagues, and friends may not notice immediately, but in time they will, and you will, too!

2. Decide not to sink One of my favorite passages in the bible talks about Peter walking on water. The description of doing the impossible fills me with hope and reminds me of what’s possible. But this story is intended to remind us that we can only do the impossible (and difficult) when we keep our focus on our faith. When Peter took his eyes off Jesus while he was walking on the water, he began to sink. He turned his focus to the storm, and not his help. The next time you hear the expression “trying to keep my head above water”, think of Peter, and do what he did, and decide not to sink. Help is available, choose to take it.

3. Nothing happens to you just for YOU On Jan. 11, 2014, I became a member of a club I never wanted to be in. A club of parents grieving the loss of a child, and more broadly of a person having to live without someone they love. If I had thought for one minute that the pain I was feeling (and the healing I receive daily) was just for me, I would have missed the point. The world is full of hurting people, we see them in the break-room at work, in the mall when we shop, and in the pews next to us on Sunday. They are our neighbors out for a walk, or the teachers in school with our children. And as a result of my own experience, I can empathize with them. And it’s why I’m so passionate about giving back and helping others…I’ve been there. I needed support, and people gave it. When we find the purpose in our pain, we are able to bless others and be part of the cycle of giving.

To continue the cycle of giving by learning more about Team Malcolm and how you can help children battling cancer find comfort in the Arts in Medicine Program. We are raising funds through the month of March.

One of my favorite movies is Ray, the feature film about Ray Charles. When Ray Charles was about five years old, he developed glaucoma and gradually became blind. One of the most pivotal scenes in the movie occurs in his mom’s home. He was stumbling around the humble shack in the darkness and began to get frustrated. He sat there and cried out to his mother who sat in the chair crying, wishing she could just take it away. But she knew it was best that he learn how to navigate this situation. He knew she was there because he could hear her breathing and crying, so he knew he was not alone. Before long, he began to move around the house, using his touch and hearing, which were both heightened by his loss of sight. She could have sprung out of her chair to “rescue” him, but instead she lovingly watched and cried as he listened for a grasshopper and made his way over to it. As he picked it up, he smiled and began to clearly hear all the other sounds in the background.
We often visualize God as a doting parent, there to pick us up at the first sign of trouble. While this image is comforting, it’s not a full depiction of God’s true nature and “parenting style”. There are times when God will rescue us, but there are times when He will lovingly sit and cry while we navigate dark seasons of our lives. The important thing to note is that He is there, watching and loving us as we work our way through the revelations that come from the darkness. In the darkness, we can hear things we wouldn’t hear, and smell things we wouldn’t otherwise smell. And most importantly, we would learn the things we wouldn’t have otherwise learned. There is always a purpose for the darkness.